i am 100% positive that when anyone asks me this question they immediately regret it.

I wouldn’t dare say the reason being that it would be a boring conversation…just possibly overwhelming? I know for a fact that I am more hyperactive and excitable about literally everything than any 3 people you know rolled into one maniacal blonde bouncing ball of thoughts and opinions and ideas and insane schemes and painted converse and red lipstick in every color variant and jim carrey movie quotes and air guitar techniques and to-do lists and striped thigh highs and business ideas and cocktail recipes and cheap corsets and hair dye samples and craft supplies and bass strings and lyrics from every effing genre of music in world history. And that, right there, is about the exact way I come barrelling into every room I’ve ever been in, and conversation I’ve ever had.

I mean, no, I don’t exactly have giant rays of sunshine gleaming out my arse at any given moment but, boy, ask me a passing question about any of the 47 gajillion things I find fucking fascinating in this ridiculous universe and, yeah, you’ll be brimming with regret.

So if you don’t want to get sucked into the insanity or have your ear talked off and your head spinning into oblivion, turn back now. Save yourself!

unless of course, you’re as maniacal as I, and in that case - sit the hell down, welcome to the fecking club!

Seriously though, I could use some gaddamn company! I desperately hope you’re as bored off your butt as i am, realizing the mundane things we humans are like, trained from infancy to believe in and waste our whole lives working for. And just trying to survive this hilarious place - the coveted central coast of cali-fucking-fornia. GOD the boredom!!!

Growing up in a small town is torturous enough, but when you were transplanted from a bigger city area where people are thinking and living and creating, to little podunky-do retirement home/nearly-extinct-fishing-townesville, ughhhhhhhhhh, it’s on another level of mind-numbing!

Please don’t misunderstand, I love my childhood memories, I love that my parents had the foresight to move us from the insanity so we could play hide-and-seek til midnight, and surf the dawn patrol before school, and con our neighbors into helping us make cardboard box hotels in our front yard, and put on plays for our poor, unsuspecting parents, and trick or treat til we were 16 (cuz the “old people” giving us dirty looks on Halloween was about the most entertaining frickin’ ass thing when you’re a high school goob). I loved it all. Every fucking minute! (Well, until I got to high school and realized that even teachers could be rapey, gross ass creeps…but that’s a story for another time, Chachi).

but back to being bored…

I guess the issue finally came into play when I heard for the 10,000th time “well you’ll never make money as an artist” and I decided I should probably try to find a pre-approved way to make money in an artistic field. So I set out to sell my talents as an artist. Ughhhh, on the Central Coast…in California…are you fecking kidding me? Haha! Ain’t no one interested in “art” unless you wanna paint landscapes or seascapes, barns and cows and fields of freaking hay and vineyards and, of course, the fecking Rock (oh, that’s our claim to tourist fame, btw. It’s a fucking rock. It’s massive. There are theories that it was a volcanic cap or perhaps even an extinct volcano, but regardless, as it stands currently and for the last millennia - it’s a fucking R O C K). You could even paint sea otters or boats or the MILLIONTH rendering of a sunset reflecting on the bay if you wanted to really shake things up!

Can you just see me?

Douchey wanna-be art collector: Yes, so tell me about this seagull painting

Me: *blinks* (it’s a fucking seagull…sitting on a fucking post…overlooking the fucking bay….) Oh, yes I call this one, “Seagull Portraiture, #475”

I know how many people disprove of my inability (or, refusal?) to just settle down and stick to some mind-numbing gig that’ll pay the rent to survive living in this real-life-zombieland, but honestly, knowing there was so much other cool shit out there to learn and create, how the hell could I? and seriously, my brain does. not. stop….so, sitting in some cubicle, answering phones all day or some other idiotic waste of my time was not an option. All I knew is that I was destined to get swallowed up by the world of creative arts.

I should have just gone with it, committed, you know? but I kept trying to do what I was “supposed” to be doing, helping those around me build their businesses, failing epicly at keeping my own shit together. While also failing epicly at my little “side project” baby attempts at doing things i actually wanted and knew how to do, cuz i didn’t have the time or resources or even network to devote to them fully. Fast-forward 10 years and all I’ve got to show is the most random assortment of skills a single human can possess, and a giant collection of minor (uh, and major) epic fails!

but hey, some people come across an obstacle and stop in their tracks, but not me, oh no, not me, lol. TOOOOOOOO many fucking ideas and an apparently unkillable determination to create something awesome in my own damn life. What certainly can be said about boredom, and having no resources, is that sometimes you’re forced to create what it is you’re missing, And welp, that’s how I came up with this little baby.

So to make a long story…uhh, er, well, longer…

welcome to my crazy little world of RockoFF!

I do hope you enjoy the show! Take a look around, join the insanity, and maybe create some awesome shit with us!

oh, and Satan be with you…